The past month has been a busy one, but in a different way. My mom has had some health issues which progressed and this week I had to take her to the ER. She was then admitted to the hospital. The past month had involved several daily check ins with my mom between my sisters and I and several group texts daily on updated progress. When most of your family is in the medical field you know all the bad implications of a serious heart issue if it’s not controlled. The medications weren’t keeping her heart rate down, she was probably in Atrial Fibrillation most of that time and we were all living with a higher level of stress and anxiety. Her doc’s appointment wasn’t until late in the month, they didn’t call back and things got worse, so it was almost a blessing to get her in there so the pros could get her the help she needed (as the new med wasn’t doing what it was supposed to be doing over a long and worrisome month). OMG when it’s your mother or a loved one there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do to get them to be well again! I come from a line of strong and stubborn people so I knew it might be a struggle with my mom, but as crappy as she’s felt the past month she came with me with no qualms. Normally there would have been. I knew it was serious when she said yes she’d go to the hospital. So there was no question that I would put her before my work. Family needs call. It’s amazing how much energy you can call upon in stressful times. When people really need care. Not that my mom needed us to be there while she was in the hospital, but I wanted to be there, so I there as often as I could. And so glad to see good outcomes after some downturns. FINALLY, she is back at home tonight!! Four days in a hospital is enough, but tonight when she didn’t answer her cell or home phone it freaked us all out again. But I got a hold of mom, and she had just been napping. How precious life is, and how we must truly value and express that to those we love and do it NOW. As I went back out to the car to get my mom’s bag that she packed in case she was admitted, I saw a cardinal fly by and chirp at me. Cardinals are signs of “new vitality” and I took that as a message that my mom’s wellness was on its way! I trust that. I also noticed the wellspring of internal energy that got me up earlier and helped me stay up later to get things done and be there for my mom. I was riding that wave of energy of vitality myself, becoming more attuned that tea at night…calming chamomile tea, versus an alcoholic beverage helped me have more energy. And less coffee (I really only have once cup a day) but this week I’ve gravitated towards green tea for more stable energy versus the shaky energy coffee sometimes gives me…especially when I’m already wound up. So my own sensitivity to what will help and heal me through this tough time increased this week. My own vitality, despite the stress and worry has remained strong and I’m so grateful to have been there for my mom when she needed me. She was surrounded by angels, really, despite some tough situations at the hospital. I’m so grateful.
This week’s driving back and forth sometimes twice a day to the hospital led me to find my assigned reading to an audio book at the library versus an actual book I had, because I needed to make use of my road time. In the Abundance Cubed Program, this month’s reading was Robert Kyosaki’s book: Rich Dad Poor Dad. The book reminded me of some basic money questions I’ve had and most of my life. I thought I had the answer to: what’s more important money or family? That was a question an ex-boyfriend asked me when he said someone was jogging by and asked him that. He easily answered “money” and I shouted at him for that. I just couldn’t believe that someone would say or believe that something was more important than family! Based on my upbringing that wasn’t the case, based on my ex-boyriend’s upbringing he was taught that money was so important. He witnessed that when his father was stressed about money he would beat up on his wife to take out his own fears and frustrations. EEK! How tragic. This book reminded me that money DOES very well bring up our fears. But that our fears don’t have to own us. Neither does money. We can get CONSCIOUS and make AWAKE actions that make sense, not controlled by our fears.
I spent much of my live avoiding looking at money or thinking it wasn’t “right” for a spiritual person to be focused on money because I was raised hearing that “it is easier for a camel to get though the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven”. I held some very negative beliefs about money as it was a source of such conflict between my parents. For years I had budget forms I just couldn’t bring myself to fill out. I thought it would squelch my freedom. But true freedom requires discipline, such as hawk medicine teaches…which I encountered many hawk messages in 2007 when a friend took me to a seminar on money. We got to observe and reprogram our “financial blue print”. I really was committed to life of ease versus struggle so I ATE that seminar up! It was amazing what I accomplished in three days. I was so aware of hidden beliefs I held, shed some tears, delved deep, and shifted my blueprint. After the seminar, I was easily able to fill out those budget forms that I couldn’t even touch that I had been holding on to for years! BAM! I was so grateful that I had done some work to uncover to discover what was lurking in my thoughts and then to go about re-patterning my mental thoughts, habits and relationship towards money. Why can’t one put importance on BOTH money AND family?! Both ARE important. It’s like comparing apples and oranges. Or, as they explained it at the seminar, it’s like asking what’s more important: your leg or your arm? BOTH are!!
As I proceed through learning from this coaching program, I take the approach of the deer. Gentle and loving, compassionate and open to new adventures. There were two deer outside tonight as I contemplated what to write in my blog. I was touched by their presence and know that success is here as they are a beacon of change and growth for five years, as their antlers can continue to grow over five years. I will have growth and increased sensitivity to what calls to me. Female deer are very connected to their mothers and I was picking out items to take to my mom at the hospital this week, when I called her she asked for those items I had just put in my hands! This has gone on in the opposite way from her to me, in previous times. We are very connected, as I am connected to our great mother Earth on this Earth day, as she brings forth her deer to remind me of that connection. As I further contemplate what’s most important I realized I made wise choices to be there for my mom. Family is most important. I realize as I continue to work on my business I make wise choices for my future financial future. Both are important, and both are intertwined and at different times more from one calls for attention over the other. And that’s perfect. I look forward to my growth and evolution in personal life and business life over this year and the next 5 years as they are intricately intertwined, even if it is the gentle and luring way of the deer, quite and calm. I like that way. It's rather me. And your way is good for you, too. Don't fight your own nature. And what's not working or what you don't like...take a look at because that patterns can be shifted. Things can be learned with love through it all. Amen and goodnight.